Tagpaktaf is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, annoying gorilla.

Tagpaktaf created everything that exists nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tagpaktaf, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tagpaktaf, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Tagpaktaf's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Tagpaktaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate foxes.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never feed lemons to doves while wearing jumpers.

5. Always obey Tagpaktaf's priests.