Bestbaffum is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, selfish monkey.

Bestbaffum created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestbaffum, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bestbaffum, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bestbaffum's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Bestbaffum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

3. Never sprint near sharks.

4. Never write about comets.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.