Beggepzag is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, competent cow.

Beggepzag created a quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Beggepzag, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Beggepzag, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Beggepzag's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Beggepzag's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Beggepzag.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Run away if three shrews approach from the north.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Never talk about fire.