Dissmutcem is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, competent gorilla.

Dissmutcem created water three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dissmutcem, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Dissmutcem, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Dissmutcem's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Dissmutcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Do not take Dissmutcem's name in vain.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Worship no other gods but Dissmutcem.

5. Never talk about solid mechanics near nematodes while wearing blue trousers.