Sasomincim is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, blissful wren.

Sasomincim created dark energy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sasomincim, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sasomincim, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sasomincim's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Sasomincim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about moons.

2. Always treat sharks with great respect.

3. Do not take Sasomincim's name in vain.

4. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Sasomincim in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not covet oxen.