Yakhigfub Batladnarlhas Cumfotjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering swan.

Yakhigfub Batladnarlhas Cumfotjarn created the planet Earth nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakhigfub Batladnarlhas Cumfotjarn, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Yakhigfub Batladnarlhas Cumfotjarn, she will turn you into a duck.

Yakhigfub Batladnarlhas Cumfotjarn's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Yakhigfub Batladnarlhas Cumfotjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.

2. Never feed cucumbers to ducks while wearing coats.

3. Worship no other gods but Yakhigfub Batladnarlhas Cumfotjarn.

4. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

5. You must love Yakhigfub Batladnarlhas Cumfotjarn.