Fignartcuss is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, bad-tempered snail.

Fignartcuss created vertebrates six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fignartcuss, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fignartcuss, she will turn you into a hamster.

Fignartcuss' most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Fignartcuss' Holy Commandments

1. You must love Fignartcuss.

2. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Fignartcuss on top of all buildings.

4. Never wear coats.

5. Never hurt sheep.