Hatdumcep is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, overgenerous crab.

Hatdumcep created parasitic wasps five million years ago.

If you believe in Hatdumcep, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hatdumcep, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Hatdumcep's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Hatdumcep's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Never eat bananas.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Pray towards the north.