Quillmifjig is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, omniscient eagle.

Quillmifjig created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillmifjig, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quillmifjig, he will be very unhappy.

Quillmifjig's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Quillmifjig's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Quillmifjig.

2. Never talk about optics near seals while wearing orange jumpers and balancing three nickel spheres on your feet.

3. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.

4. Horses are not to be trusted.

5. Never wear ear rings.