Lagbasscem is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, competent fairy.

Lagbasscem created Mount Everest two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagbasscem, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Lagbasscem, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Lagbasscem's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Lagbasscem's Holy Commandments

1. Always help great tits.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics near eagles while wearing yellow ear rings and balancing three nickel spheres on your legs.

4. Worship no other gods but Lagbasscem.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.