Cisslarpfub is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, ill-tempered toad.

Cisslarpfub created matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cisslarpfub, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cisslarpfub, he will turn you into a puffin.

Cisslarpfub's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Cisslarpfub's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near sheep while wearing yellow shoes and balancing eight carbon spheres on your hands.

3. Hide if three eagles approach from the west.

4. Do not leap in public.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.