Fliswodwik is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, slow lobster.

Fliswodwik created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fliswodwik, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fliswodwik, she will throw large rocks at you.

Fliswodwik's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Fliswodwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about wheat.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never go into yellow rooms.

5. Never talk about fire.