Bonfomtap is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, generous rhinoceros.

Bonfomtap created dark matter four years ago.

If you believe in Bonfomtap, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bonfomtap, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bonfomtap's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Bonfomtap's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not eat grapes.

3. Never look at stars.

4. Run away if five mites approach from the south.

5. Never feed lots of pineapples to aardvarks while wearing magenta corsets.