Taldiddumhugtan Nigtomxuck Pitkombem is a god.

He takes the form of a large, tranquil lobster.

Taldiddumhugtan Nigtomxuck Pitkombem created everything that exists three million years ago.

If you believe in Taldiddumhugtan Nigtomxuck Pitkombem, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Taldiddumhugtan Nigtomxuck Pitkombem, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Taldiddumhugtan Nigtomxuck Pitkombem's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Taldiddumhugtan Nigtomxuck Pitkombem's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics.

3. Worship no other gods but Taldiddumhugtan Nigtomxuck Pitkombem.

4. Do not keep four monkeys in a large pit.

5. Do not shave your legs.