Xucmanwan is a god.

She takes the form of a small, omniscient tortoise.

Xucmanwan created the Milkyway seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucmanwan, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xucmanwan, she will destroy your favourite star.

Xucmanwan's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Xucmanwan's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xucmanwan.

2. Always help hamsters in need.

3. Run away if nine tapirs approach from the east.

4. Do not dye your hair white.

5. Never write about galaxies.