Xuckmapkab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, charitable walrus.

Xuckmapkab created the planet Saturn eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xuckmapkab, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Xuckmapkab, she will manifest in front of you.

Xuckmapkab's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Xuckmapkab's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never feed gooseberries to seals while wearing gray tights.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never wear skirts.