Yogfigwik is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, merciless dragon.

Yogfigwik created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yogfigwik, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Yogfigwik, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Yogfigwik's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Yogfigwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Run away if three dolphins approach from the east.

3. Do not take Yogfigwik's name in vain.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not commit murder.