Kinwatominbatkap is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, fussy squirrel.

Kinwatominbatkap created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kinwatominbatkap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kinwatominbatkap, he will think nothing of it.

Kinwatominbatkap's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Kinwatominbatkap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not kill turtles.