Sandtom is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, sage cow.

Sandtom created an electron six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sandtom, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sandtom, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Sandtom's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Sandtom's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Sandtom.

2. Never mention goats.

3. Sandtom loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

4. Never write about chlorophyll.

5. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.