Quarthadquag is a god.

It takes the form of a small, passionate cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Quarthadquag created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quarthadquag, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quarthadquag, it will turn you into a frog.

Quarthadquag's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Quarthadquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of aubergines to seals while wearing turquoise corsets.

2. Never think about eukaryotes.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Quarthadquag loves whales, so they must be honoured.