Nelkabtam Henhivkem is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humorless newt.

Nelkabtam Henhivkem created the planet Saturn nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelkabtam Henhivkem, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Nelkabtam Henhivkem, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nelkabtam Henhivkem's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Nelkabtam Henhivkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always help sick ducks.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.