Flan is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, unsympathetic guinea pig.

Flan created time and space six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flan, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Flan, she will turn you into a rat.

Flan's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Flan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair mauve.

2. Do not take Flan's name in vain.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Always help mice in need.

5. Never feed garlic to manatees while wearing rings.