Litbonkzen is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, selfish faun.

Litbonkzen created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Litbonkzen, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Litbonkzen, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Litbonkzen's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Litbonkzen's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not kill goats.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.