Pitnarlhom is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, humane cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Pitnarlhom created energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pitnarlhom, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Pitnarlhom, it will boil you in a big pot.

Pitnarlhom's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Pitnarlhom's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force near birds while wearing green shoes and balancing five gold spheres on your legs.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. You must love Pitnarlhom.

4. Always help sick badgers.

5. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Pitnarlhom in the centre of the settlement.