Sitmobquagxem is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unthinking monkey.

Sitmobquagxem created the Whirlpool Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sitmobquagxem, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Sitmobquagxem, it will turn you into a dog.

Sitmobquagxem's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Sitmobquagxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about bananas.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Hide if seven badgers approach from the south.

4. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Sitmobquagxem in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.