Tettifarnfas is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, all-knowing pig.

Tettifarnfas created viruses four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettifarnfas, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tettifarnfas, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tettifarnfas' most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Tettifarnfas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near capybaras while wearing red trousers and balancing six silver spheres on your chest.