Tomzimlat is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, dishonest newt.

Tomzimlat created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomzimlat, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tomzimlat, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Tomzimlat's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Tomzimlat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

2. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Tomzimlat in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never eat coconuts.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always take life seriously.