Pitkabcem is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, deceitful crocodile.

Pitkabcem created the cosmos two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitkabcem, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Pitkabcem, it will turn you into a snail.

Pitkabcem's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Pitkabcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair magenta.

2. Worship no other gods but Pitkabcem.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Ants are not to be trusted.

5. Do not chop down trees.