Futgupban is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, irritating goblin.

Futgupban created humanity three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futgupban, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Futgupban, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Futgupban's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Futgupban's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

2. Do not sit in public.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not wear tin on your body.

5. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Futgupban in the centre of the settlement.