Shavmatgam is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, awesome hippopotamus.

Shavmatgam created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Shavmatgam, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Shavmatgam, it will refuse to believe in you.

Shavmatgam's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Shavmatgam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no moths in a room before entering it.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Never feed onions to mites while wearing mauve shoes.

4. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Shavmatgam in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.