Nurlbarnquart is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unsympathetic toad.

Nurlbarnquart created the planet Earth four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlbarnquart, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Nurlbarnquart, he will turn you into a rat.

Nurlbarnquart's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Nurlbarnquart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat figs.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near swans while wearing red trousers and balancing six titanium spheres on your face.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not wear magenta clothing.