Jontapdudmeg Zodmegbig is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, unselfish elephant.

Jontapdudmeg Zodmegbig created humankind two years ago.

If you believe in Jontapdudmeg Zodmegbig, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jontapdudmeg Zodmegbig, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Jontapdudmeg Zodmegbig's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Jontapdudmeg Zodmegbig's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Jontapdudmeg Zodmegbig.

2. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never eat aubergines.