Cumkimcid is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, ill-tempered crab.

Cumkimcid created a top quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Cumkimcid, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Cumkimcid, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Cumkimcid's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Cumkimcid's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never bounce near manatees.

3. Put Cumkimcid first in all things.

4. Never wear fawn kilts.

5. Do not keep seven dolphins in a large pit.