Lampomrak is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, generous lobster.

Lampomrak created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lampomrak, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lampomrak, he will strike you with lightening.

Lampomrak's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Lampomrak's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. You must love Lampomrak.

4. Never think ill of sick swans.

5. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.