Vagwannut is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, competent swan.

Vagwannut created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagwannut, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vagwannut, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Vagwannut's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Vagwannut's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never feed melons to moths while wearing black jumpers.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Always help sick tortoises.

5. Never eat tomatoes.