Fetdubtetti Tomgumkad is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, sage penguin.

Fetdubtetti Tomgumkad created the planet Venus four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetdubtetti Tomgumkad, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fetdubtetti Tomgumkad, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Fetdubtetti Tomgumkad's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Fetdubtetti Tomgumkad's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never write about optics.

5. Fetdubtetti Tomgumkad must be the most important thing in your life.