Tiflarn is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, omnipotent lobster.

Tiflarn created the Sun seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tiflarn, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tiflarn, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Tiflarn's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Tiflarn's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Tiflarn.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

4. Never feed gooseberries to great tits while wearing pink scarves.

5. Hide from red turtles for they are unholy.