Joplarnpog is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, weak chicken.

Joplarnpog created the planet Saturn six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Joplarnpog, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Joplarnpog, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Joplarnpog's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Joplarnpog's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate squirrels.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. You must never eat pineapples.

5. Never eat bark.