Quaftofyar Citdutkem is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, ruthless spider.

Quaftofyar Citdutkem created matter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Quaftofyar Citdutkem, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quaftofyar Citdutkem, she will throw large rocks at you.

Quaftofyar Citdutkem's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Quaftofyar Citdutkem's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always wear brown.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never pour water over plants.