Lakwongeb is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, dishonest tapir.

Lakwongeb created the Andromeda Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakwongeb, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lakwongeb, it will be mildly annoyed.

Lakwongeb's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Lakwongeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about fluid mechanics.

2. Do not eat beans.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Never talk about dolphins.

5. Do not kill snakes.