Ponwabyog is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, resourceful spider.

Ponwabyog created life seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponwabyog, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ponwabyog, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ponwabyog's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Ponwabyog's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. You must pray to Ponwabyog seven times a day.

4. Do not speak about nuts.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.