Gatcunceb is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, moody dove.

Gatcunceb created everything that exists two years ago.

If you believe in Gatcunceb, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gatcunceb, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Gatcunceb's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Gatcunceb's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near manatees while wearing pink trousers and balancing five lead spheres on your hands.

2. Never mention pigs.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.