Cipsawyik is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, all-knowing alligator.

Cipsawyik created the Sun seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cipsawyik, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Cipsawyik, he will destroy your home planet.

Cipsawyik's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Cipsawyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about bacteria.

2. Cipsawyik must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Always obey Cipsawyik's priests.