Bifshavnib is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, quiet mink.

Bifshavnib created energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifshavnib, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bifshavnib, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bifshavnib's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Bifshavnib's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention birds.

2. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never think about dark energy near badgers while wearing white jumpers and balancing three iron spheres on your face.

4. Never eat parsnips.

5. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.