Padkandim is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, dishonest donkey.

Padkandim created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Padkandim, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Padkandim, he will curse you with boils.

Padkandim's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Padkandim's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate mice.

5. Never talk about stars.