Talmumcin is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, witless pig.

Talmumcin created a photon four years ago.

If you believe in Talmumcin, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Talmumcin, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Talmumcin's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Talmumcin's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of birds.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never think about dark matter near mice while wearing red skirts and balancing nine gold spheres on your feet.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Do not cook food in pots.