Lag is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, bad-tempered cat.

Lag created the Sun three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lag, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lag, it will curse you with boils.

Lag's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Lag's Holy Commandments

1. Capybaras are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Never feed lots of aubergines to geese while wearing gray tights.

4. Hide from violet goats for they are unholy.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.