Fasjamshav is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust hydra.

Fasjamshav created the Sol system seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fasjamshav, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fasjamshav, he will not care.

Fasjamshav's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Fasjamshav's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Hide from purple dolphins for they are unholy.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fasjamshav.

5. Fast once a month.