Arfjiptonk is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, duplicitous hare.

Arfjiptonk created a bottom quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arfjiptonk, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Arfjiptonk, he will turn you into a duck.

Arfjiptonk's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Arfjiptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near ants while wearing turquoise corsets and balancing five aluminium spheres on your face.

3. Never jump near whales.

4. You must love Arfjiptonk.

5. Do not hurt dolphins.