Cetfebgommon Lablatjip is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unthoughtful bear.

Cetfebgommon Lablatjip created the solar system three billion years ago.

If you believe in Cetfebgommon Lablatjip, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cetfebgommon Lablatjip, he will manifest in front of you.

Cetfebgommon Lablatjip's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Cetfebgommon Lablatjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics near nematodes while wearing orange shirts and balancing five carbon spheres on your back.

2. Never wear hats.

3. Do not keep four rats in a large pit.

4. Never jump in the presence of grasshopers.

5. Always pray immersed in water.